Penny-pinching budget airline, Ryanair, has announced, that from January 1, 2018, all passengers who have not paid a speedy boarding supplement will be lashed to a wooden frame set up in the departure lounge and given 20 lashes with a cat-o-nine-tails before they are allowed to pass through the boarding gate.
Passengers who lapse into unconsciousness will be dragged up the airline steps and thrown into the aisle where flight attendants will rub sea salt into their wounds.
Ryanair boss, Michael O’Leary, told reporters: “If these people are too bloody tight to pay an extra 50 quid on top for the convenience of getting on the plane first, then I’m afraid there’s a price to be paid and that price is a bloody good flogging. We’re not a bloody charity you know”
This latest measure comes just a year after the airline announced their controversial, ‘Toilet Tax’, which saw passengers being weighed before and after a visit to the lavatory and made to pay a supplement calculated on the weight of the shit or piss that they had just jettisoned.