A 19-year-old girl has told Dafty News that she accidentally hit another girl in the face with a fresh stool that she had just hurled from her boyfriend’s toilet window last Saturday night.
The young woman who was struck was formerly romantically attached to her alleged attacker’s boyfriend and police are looking into the possibility that it was a deliberately malicious act born from jealousy. A claim the 19-year-old strongly denies.
Tracy Dell, a manicurist from Leman Street, Whitechapel in East London, told us: “I’d had a poo following a big meal that my boyfriend had cooked for me last Saturday night.
“The trouble began when it wouldn’t flush due to the size of one of the rockets. I managed to get a fair bit of it around the hidden bend but I was still left with a pretty sizeable peeper.
“I was so embarrassed and scared that my boyfriend would see it, I tugged it free using some toilet paper and threw it out of the window.
“I had no idea that his ex was walking past at the time, so it was purely an accident when it hit her in the face.
“I’m not really sorry mind. I’m sick of her constantly hanging around him, trying to get him back. She’s just a desperate skank and she needs to move on”
A local police spokesman said last night: “A 17-year-old girl has reported an assault by another young lady in which a missile was thrown.
“No charges have been brought so far but we are confident that we will eventually get to the bottom of it”
In other related news, the West Ham United football team manager, Slaven Bilic, was struck on the back of the head by a bottle of stale urine which was hurled at him by a disgruntled fan as he boarded the team bus following another heavy defeat for his team last Saturday afternoon.