With the sad news reaching us this week that our beloved Pele, football’s ‘Jesus’, is quiet in hospital and quite ill.
I felt that we should take a look at the life of Pele. All that can be said about Pele the footballer has been said by people much more articulate and qualified than me. So I am going to focus on his frankly absurd and surreal life after football.
Below is my favorite Pele facts.
1. Pele is the Godfather to Mick Hucknall’s (of Simply Red) children. Well Mick Hucknall claims this, how much Pele knows about it is subject to fierce debate among the football academics of the world.
2. Pele cares about erections. As a man who scored over a 1000 times would, and fronted a campaign to raise awareness of erectile dysfunction.
3. Pele really cares about erections, after raising awareness of erectile dysfunction he started to appear in adverts for Viagra.
4. Pele thinks he has free VIP entry to all present and future World Cup games. He bestowed this honor on himself because – well – he’s won the fucking thing 3 times and no one at FIFA has had the heart to tell him otherwise.
5. Pele recently tried to fix nature’s mistake of not giving him diamond hair from birth by turning his hair into diamonds to sell to raise money for a local children’s hospital.
6. Pele rates himself quite highly
7. Pele is an inspirational speaker; mostly remembered for his speech before a Portugal vs Mexico friendly that took place in Springfield USA, informing every one that “Pele is king of the soccer field, to be king of your kitchen. Use Crestfield wax paper,” giving hope to millions that they too could be like Pele.
Loaded with these Pele facts you too can perhaps one day be as mad as Pele, but probably not as good at football.
Watch Pele in action