PC Ted Stupor: The drink-ravaged Whitechapel bobby you can trust

Evenin’ all.

Police work in London’s inner city can be a risky and even a life-threatening business at times, where vigilance and alertness are key.

In these cash-strapped times for the Metropolitan Police, it is not always possible to deploy two constables on one beat, and this is why I trained as a skilled dog handler, so that I could take my loyal and brave four-legged friend, “Smirnoff” with me when patrolling some of the more lawless parts of East London. Over time, I’ve grown to love him dearly and he is now an established and cosseted firm favourite with the whole family.

Only last week, we were patrolling some of the mean and dimly-lit streets around Commercial Road, when I spotted a notorious crack dealer pedalling his deadly wares on a street corner.

With the comforting presence of Smirnoff by my side, I approached the villain. He was clearly startled by our arrival on the scene, but quickly calmed down when I sold the dog to him for 50 quid to use to guard his stash and drug money. I then went into the pub over the road and drank until I was sick down my tunic.

Evenin’ all.

PC Ted is a founder member of The Liver Disease Appreciation Society





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