PC Ted Stupor: The drink-ravaged London bobby you can trust

by Danny SoZ

Evenin’ all.

Policing a diverse and teeming city like London can be a challenging and highly dangerous business sometimes.

Take last Wednesday for example. My team were called to a suspected terrorist incident at Blackfriars station, where a man armed with a semi-automatic pistol had opened fire on passengers on the concourse.

After racing to the armoury for flak jackets and weapons, we sped to the scene in rapid response vehicles.

Once in situ, I quickly spotted that the proprietor of a branch of Victoria Wines had fled his shop, leaving the premises completely unattended.

So, while the other lads engaged with the terrorist in a desperate firefight, I raced inside and helped myself to a bottle of 25-year-old malt from the stockroom which I drank until I vomited into the wastepaper basket and went to the toilet in my trousers.

Evenin’ all.

PC Ted is vice-chairman of The Liver Failure and Cirrhosis Advisory Council.




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