The 600-year-old bottle containing a small scrap of paper that was washed up on an Australian beach last week has been examined by archaeologists at Sidney University who have revealed that it contained a message foretelling the birth of daytime TV personality, Lorainne Kelly.
A university spokesman said that the message, written in church Latin, contains the words: Nascum Lorainnium Kellyius Twatus Puir Wee Thingium.
Roughly translated this means: Unto mankind a twat shall be born and her name will be Lorainne Kelly
The message was believed to have been tossed into the ocean by a crew member on Christopher Columbus’s ship, The Santa Maria, as it journeyed to The Americas in 1492.
The artefact will now be kept on display at The British Museum alongside other ancient manuscripts such as Boudica’s shopping list and Bruce Forsythe’s birth certificate.