The estranged wife of former UKIP leader and Donald Trump confidante, Nigel Farage, has told Dafty News that he always carried out a bizarre pre-sex ritual in which he would slither from room to room on his belly while quoting the Scottish poet, Robert “Rabbi” Burns.
German-born, Kristen Farage told us: “I always knew when Nigel wanted intimacy as he would slither in and out of various rooms on his belly quoting Burns.
His favourite was the one about a wee sleekit cowrin’ timrous beastie. I always knew I was in for a minute or two’s disturbance from reading when I heard that one.”
Farage strongly denied the claims last night: “I’ve never slithered in my life and I would certainly not quote a non-English poet like Burns if I were to do so. Any slithering would be done to the accompaniment of Byron or Keats or somebody along those lines”
Mrs Farage’s claim comes just 2 days after Boris Johnson’s wife revealed that he can only achieve a workable erection after scouring the hard-to-get-to bit around the back of the downstairs toilet bowl with Vim.