A 52-year-old Whitechapel man has told Dafty News that his thoughts now regularly turn to ending his own life in a Swiss clinic after he recently noticed that he has begun to groan with exertion when getting up from a chair or sofa at his home.
Toby Dell, a forklift truck quality control inspector, told us: “Over the last few months I’ve noticed that I sometimes make a slight grunting sound when I get out of my chair.
“My kids were the first to notice and now laugh and point whenever I do it.
“As a result, I’m beginning to see the writing on the wall and I’m now making plans for my own death at least 2 or 3 times a day.
“I’m rather hoping that they’ll introduce euthanasia into this country in the near future so I won’t have to shell out for airfares to Switzerland when things become intolerable”
In other news, a 58-year-old woman from East Ham threw herself into the Thames and drowned at St Katherine’s Dock yesterday after suffering an episode of laughter-induced incontinence during a cinema visit to watch a romantic comedy with a much younger man she had only just met on an online dating site.