Liverpool Set for Shock Move for Southampton’s Tea Lady

Liverpool Set for Shock Move for Southampton's Tea Lady
by Paul McDougall

LIVERPOOL F.C. has been accused of raiding Southampton once again in their bid to become England’s number 1 after an audacious bid to sign Southampton Football Club’s tea lady was made last night, it has been reported.

The Reds, who look favourites to snatch The Saints’ Dutch centre-half Virgil van Dijk from under the noses of Chelsea and Man City, have a history of signing Southampton players but the latest attempt has infuriated the St Mary’s faithful.

Southampton supporters Jeff Glennis and Eric Dalby fumed as they told our reporters outside St Mary’s Stadium: “We are just as ambitious as Liverpool so why should we sell our best assets to them? We are not a feeder club for Liverpool.”

Not content in buying the entire first eleven of Southampton, they have also made bold bids for Southampton Airport and a time machine to de-age Southampton legend Matt Le Tissier.

Earlier this week Southampton knocked back a bid by Liverpool for a couple of gallons of water from the port of Southampton where the Titanic sailed from. It is understood talks stalled after both clubs could not reach an agreement.

However, the latest swoop has made headlines around the football world as Helga the tea lady has been serving tea and coffee for the club since they finished runners-up in Division III back in the mid-60s.




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