Pop icon, Olly Murs, roared out a defiant message to the Trump presidency last night as he vowed to avert the threat of a third world war by using his gigantic face to block any American missiles fired at targets in Syria in reprisal for the rogue state’s chemical weapons attack on the rebel-held enclave of Douma last week.
Murs told reporters: “I’ve no time for President Assad or his Russian backers in this war on his own people but at the same time I can’t run the risk of a third world war breaking out against the Russkies so I’ve decided to use my massive face to shield Syria from any missile strikes.
“Basically, I’m going to stand on the beach in Syria and jump up and block any missiles that I see heading inland.
“It’ll be a bit like going up for a header in one of those charity footie matches I play in with Robbie Williams”
President Assad expressed his gratitude to the Dance With Me star last night: “It’s brilliant news that Olly will be using his huge dial to block any American missiles heading our way.
“I’ve never been a big fan in the past, but now, both myself and Mr Putin will be asking our respective citizens to go out and buy one of his albums. On pain of death”
In other news, showbiz entrepreneur, Simon Cowell, has offered to catch any Russian missiles heading to England in a pair of his ridiculous, enormous high-waisted, trousers.