His Holiness The Dalai Lama shocked Buddhists across the world last night by telling journalists that he’s “had enough of that f******g cretin, Donald Trump” and vowed to “beat his bloody head in” at the earliest opportunity.
Speaking at a press conference in The Himalayas, a clearly furious Lama told newsmen: “Yesterday’s statement that he’s a mentally stable genius was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me”
“I was actually at prayer when I heard it on the BBC World Service and became so furious I smashed up my prayer wheel and threw it at the temple cat’s head.
“I’m now praying he’ll ask for an audience with me so that I can stick the boot and the nut in and give the fat orange f**k the spanking he so richly deserves”
At this point a female temple handmaiden rushed over and restrained the raging living deity, telling him to, “leave it” and that, “he’s not worth it”
More as we get it.