The Department of Health are urging Britain’s middle-aged population to set aside at least 10-minutes per-day to masturbate briskly.
In a report issued yesterday, the DOH advised that just 10-minutes self-abuse by 40 to 60-year-olds each day could cut the risk of serious illnesses such as coronary thrombosis and cancer by a staggering 25 percent.
A spokesman for the Department told newsmen: “According to recent figures only 10 percent of older people are masturbating frequently enough to stave off serious illness.
“We are therefore advising people in the 40 to 60 age group to set aside just 10-minutes a day to masturbate using sufficient vigour to raise the heart rate by 20 percent.
“A good rule of thumb is to masturbate briskly until you are slightly out of breath and sweating lightly but still able to hold a conversation”
It is understood that the government will not be supplying pornographic material to aid the process, but plans are under consideration to assist the over 60s with a small sum each month, to be known as The Grumble Grant, which can be used to buy mucky books from designated newsagents.