Under-fire senior Tory MP, Damien Green, last night hit back at accusations that he has used the computer in his office at The House of Commons to access pornography, some of which has been described as being at the extreme end of the scale.
He strongly refuted the allegations and then went on to claim that he’s not an MP at all and that he earns a modest living as a window cleaner in the East London area
Speaking to reporters outside his home, Green 54, said: These allegations are false and utterly ridiculous. I don’t even own a computer, and if I did, I’d only use it to order window cleaning equipment and to keep in touch with the family in Australia.
“All this talk of me being a senior Tory and deputy to Mrs May is utterly ludicrous. As for pornography, I only recently discovered that there are pictures of ladies bosoms in The Daily Star, for God’s sake.
“I don’t even vote Conservative. I’ve been a Labour man all my life, although I might vote for the Lib Dems or the Greens next time because of Jeremy Corbyn.
“Some of his ideas are quite good, like nationalising the railways, but I’m a bit worried about him when it comes to defence. He’s a bit too soft on the terrorists if you ask me. You know, the IRA and Hamas and that”
In other related news; Brexit Secretary, David Davies, yesterday strongly denied the existence of buses. Particularly those with palpable lying nonsense written on the sides of them.