Scottish football has been dealt a huge blow after Glasgow giants turn down an offer to sign Cristiano Ronaldo because ‘he’s too black’, it has emerged.
“We don’t want the hassle of signing really black players as it causes too much aggravation in the terraces,” says Jags boss Big Roan Aitchison.
The controversial coach whose mantra is ‘Kick Racism Back Into Football’ claims Ronaldo’s skin colour was just too dark and would prefer if the 5-times Ballon d’Or winner was a couple of shades lighter.
The big man explained: “Ronaldo was offered to us in a bumper deal that would see the Portuguese star stay in a top-floor red sandstone tenement flat in Maryhill with our community mini-bus picking him up every morning for training at the nearby 3G pitches.
“I had a look at all his video clips throughout his career, and he seems a little bit…how do I say without appearing racist?…DARKY!!!”
It’s not the first time the club has been involved in a colour issue.
It was reported last summer the club were on the verge of snatching a sensational coup by beating Paris Saint-German to Neymar’s signature on a bumper £23 a week plus expenses; but the move was quickly quashed after head coach Big Roan Aitchison learned the Brazilian genius comes from Native extraction despite his mum being white.