Chinese Super League Team Offer a Staggering £300 Million For Unfit Fat Lazy Armchair Guy

AN unnamed club in the Chinese Super League aims to smash the world transfer record after it emerged they offered a really unfit, fat, lazy heavy drinking armchair guy £1 million per week in a deal that would dwarf Messi’s and Ronaldo’s salaries combined.

Our sources in China say owners of clubs plan to buy the biggest names in the game in their quest to become the dominant force in world football.

One insider from the Chinese Super League told Dafty News: “The recent signing of Carlos Tevez, reportedly on a £613,000 per week wage, and the latest £250 million offered to Real Madrid for the services of Cristiano Ronaldo is a sign the Chinese are very serious and they are not afraid to splash the cash.

“However, the newly reported £300 to sign this lazy-arsed footy guy who sits on his chair all day drinking beer and stuffing his face with burgers should capture the world’s football attention more than anything.”

A spokesperson for the unnamed club in the Chinese Super League said in a statement:

“Our aim is to bring the very best to our league. We have offered £300 million to buy the fat English guy and we will pay him £1 million every week to sit and swear at the television.”

Dafty Sport asked what the attraction was to the really fat guy, our spokesperson replied: “He is everything synonymous with western football culture and that’s the only thing missing in our game. We want to change that.”

Dafty News also understands another unnamed club in the Chinese Super League have offered £50 million and a £500,000 per week contract to an 11-year-old schoolboy who was spotted on Google Earth wearing a Barcelona shirt with MESSI on the back.

The frail bespectacled kid who has asthma and a clubbed foot caught the attention of scouts in China who are using their technological knowledge to scour the world for talent.

Making money for your football club!

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