ONE of the world’s most popular but often criticized newspapers Daily Mail (MailOnline) has admitted for the first time they are running short of nutritional experts in their quest to scare the public into eating properly or ‘you will fucking die’, it has emerged. The newspaper has, for a long time, drafted up new ways […]
Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, has told Dafty News that celebrated actor, Hugh Grant, is living in a small shed on his allotment in Islington, North London, where the Love Actually star exists by foraging for vegetables on neighbouring plots and selling them from a barrow in a nearby market. Speaking to us from his North […]
A FURIOUS pensioner complained vigorously after his shock discovery at finding the swastika symbol on his Nazi flag he purchased online, it has emerged. Speaking exclusively to Dafty News, the former military man who fought for his country in both the First and Second World War raged: “I felt sick. The squiggly symbol is clearly […]
A source close to the royal household has told Dafty News that, Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, may have bottled The Duchess of Cambridge’s morning sickness vomit before selling it on eBay to fans of The Royal Family The source told us that Fergie needed the money to buy the pies and sweets she needs […]
THE internet was sickened this morning after a video was uploaded of a successful marriage proposal, thought to be in a crowded shopping mall, it has been reported. The happy couple caused a positive scene when the young male got down on one knee and proposed to his sweetheart, sparking a flurry of cheers and […]
Former Britain’s Got Talent singing sensation, Susan Boyle, has told Dafty News that she now works as a bricklayer on a North Korean building site where’s she’s on a flat £250-a-week, plus time and a half for a Saturday morning shift. SuBo, 87, told DN. “It’s a tough life, especially when it’s pissing with rain, […]
Great British Bake Off presenter, Paul Hollywood, has admitted that the one thing he misses most about ditching the BBC and moving to Channel 4 is being masturbated under the table by co-presenter, Mary Berry. Hollywood, 47, told our reporters: “While I’m enjoying making the programme as much as ever, it’s not the same without […]
The National Health Service has claimed that their resources are being put under strain by the amount of people across the country who are now on tablets due to the stress of not being on tablets. GPs across Britain are putting 100s of patients a day on tablets because people have become alarmed by the […]
COFFEE giant Costa has been cleared of any wrongdoing by the Food Standards Agency after a customer purchased one of their cheese and ham toasty sandwiches only to discover cheese was actually in the sandwich, it has been reported. The company had also been accused of selling toasties that only require one bite and the […]
The storm-ravaged, British Virgin Islands, are to be renamed after inhabitants engaged in a huge last-minute sex fest just hours before the islands were battered by Hurricane Irma last week. It is believed that the islanders – who must be virgins in order to live there – decided to abandon tradition last Monday afternoon and […]
