BRITS have been warned to stay extra safe during the holidays after it emerged Cliff Richard’s Christmas hit ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ is expected to blast the country.
Reports say there have been a few scary moments just days into December but a full onslaught is expected to blanket much of the country over the next two weeks.
One forecaster told our reporters: “Over the course of the next two weeks we expect to be absolutely overwhelmed with Cliff Richard with prolonged periods of heavy spells.
“Much of the South will experience a surge in high depression while the North is set to be covered in Slade with a touch of Roy Wood & Wizzard.”
Our forecaster highlighted what we can expect from the latest threat of Cliff: “He is highly dangerous and extremely annoying; typical for a bastard that only comes out once-a-year.”
Meanwhile, bookmakers are taking bets on what size Mariah Carey will balloon to as she makes her annual appearance in public to sing her 1985 hit ‘All I Want For Christmas is You’.]