Brexiteers slowly returning to the primordial soup claims leading anthropologist

Brexiteers slowly returning to the primordial soup claims leading anthropologist
by Danny SoZ

A leading figure in the world of anthropology has put forward the theory that people who voted in favour of Britain leaving the European Union are gradually returning to the primordial soup where life is believed to have begun around 3.8 billion years ago.

Professor Tobias Dell, 57, from Whitechapel University in London, told the National Geographic Society in a recent address that within the next few years all Brexiteers will have returned to being single-cell organisms who live in the primordial soup.

“Thousands of Brexiteers have already been spotted crawling on all-fours across the Serengeti Plain in Africa where the primordial soup is located,” he told assembled scientists.

“It’s a bit like the behaviour of, The Skeksis out of The Dark Crystal when they all felt some strange inexorable force drawing them back to the place of their creation.

“It’s my view, that by 2020, pretty much all of them will have been reduced to floating on the surface of the water gazing sightlessly at the sky, with absolutely no cognisance of the world around them.

“A bit like Trump supporters in the hotel pool when they’re on holiday.”

A spokesman for the fiercely pro-Brexit, United Kingdom Independence Party, hit back furiously at the professor’s remarks.

“Primordial soup? Never! We only ever have British soup like oxtail or cockaleekie in my house!”

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