BREAKING: Episode of Say Yes To The Dress triggered man’s machete killing spree

by Danny SoZ

A 46-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London yesterday embarked on a murderous spree armed with a machete which left 18 dead after becoming enraged at the banality of popular TV show, Say Yes To The Dress.

Toby Dell, an arc welder and father of 3, became incandescent with rage while watching the show which features American women choosing a wedding dress.

Dell reportedly became unhinged by the stultifying stupidity of the format and the protagonists involved, and dashed out into the street where he attacked passersby with a machete.

His wife, Tracy, 38, told Dafty News: “He was sitting reading the paper in front of the telly and glanced up when I switched on Say Yes To The Dress. It’s one of my favourite programmes along with Bones and Celebrity Big Brother.

“He seemed to be fascinated by what was going on and sat up really straight when a seriously overweight lady was being fitted for a bridal gown and I must admit it was nice to see him enjoying one of my programmes for a change.

“Then, suddenly, his whole body tensed up and he started saying: “What the actual f**k” over and over.

“I could tell he was getting upset and asked him if he’d like a cup of tea, but he leapt to his feet and grabbed a machete from the cupboard under the stairs.

“He then just ran out into the street and started killing people with it.

“It was absolutely awful to be honest and I never did find out which gown she chose in the end. I’m hoping they’ll repeat it later in the week”

In other news, a 40-year-old man from Stepney yesterday butchered and killed a number of people outside his home with a hatchet 10 minutes after his wife began watching Geordie Shore.



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