In a surprise move last night, German investment bank, Deutschebank, appointed disgraced TV star, Ant out of Ant and Dec, as their new chief executive following the dismissal yesterday of John Cryan who has been in charge for the past 3 years.
A spokesman for Deutschebank told us last night. “After sacking John, we were initially at a loss as to who to appoint. Then, one of the board suggested Ant out of Ant and Dec, so we rang him up and he jumped at the chance.
“The way we look at it, it’ll give him time to knock the bevvy on the head and will give him something to do before he goes back on the telly with Dec again.
“I’ll tell you one thing though, we won’t be giving the fucker a company car”
Deutschebank shares rose sharply at the news when the markets opened this morning, although stocks in Jack Daniels and Scottish and Newcastle Breweries plummeted to an all-time low.