Alex Salmond slashes reporter with razor following election humbling

Alex Salmond slashes reporter with razor following election humbling
by Danny SoZ

A respected political commentator, and columnist for Dafty News online satirical magazine, was in hospital this morning following a frenzied attack by newly-defeated SNP stalwart, Alex Salmond, who slashed the newsman down both cheeks with a cut-throat razor which he produced from behind his lapel after the journalist asked him how he was coming to terms with being ousted from office.

Speaking from his hospital bed, London-born Danny Soz, 21, told DN colleagues.

“I had just asked Mr Salmond for his reaction to his election defeat when, without warning, he pulled the razor from his lapel and slashed me down both cheeks.

“He called me a “wee English bastard” and threatened to burn my house down if I didn’t “get away tae fuck”

In other election news, SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon, headbutted the BBCs political analyst, Andrew Neil, during a heated exchange in the early hours of this morning after he suggested that the SNP’s poor showing in the election must surely mean the end of her 2nd Scottish referendum hopes.

 

 

 

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