According to reports, aid workers are hoping to get the opportunity to sexually abuse vulnerable people in the beleaguered Syrian town of Eastern Ghouta within the next few days during a scheduled brief ceasefire period.
One prominent aid agency spokesman said “What is taking place is horrific and a terrible stain on humanity.
“Innocent victims, including many woman and young children, are living in constant fear of being killed in an airstrike, while starvation is also a very real prospect for many.
“Time is very much of the essence, so the sooner we can get in amongst them and begin trading aid for sexual favours the better.
“Most of the menfolk will have already been killed in the fighting on the outskirts of the town, so we should be absolutely quids-in, to be honest.
“I know many of our workers are extremely eager to get in there and fill their boots in exchange for a few packets of high-energy biscuits or a bottle or two of mineral water”
Despite the desperate circumstances, a resistance fighter inside the town reacted cautiously to the news last night.
In a text message to the Save The Children organisation he said “Thanks very much but if it’s all the same to you, we’ll take our chances with the barrel bombs”
If you’re an aid worker and have been complicit in the recent sex for aid scandal please leave your name and address with the newsdesk and someone will pop round to see you before you can say, “Red Cross Ambulance” – Ed