Adele and Ed Sheeran announce plans to buy everything

Adele and Ed Sheeran announce plans to buy everything
by Danny SoZ

The fabulously wealthy duo announced their audacious plans to newsmen at a press conference last night.

Adele, who is reported to earn something in the region of a million dollars an hour, said: “Ed and I were chatting about our respective fortunes last night and have decided that it would be really cool if we just bought everything.

“We’re great mates and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to buy all the shit in the world and then just sit back and chill together, safe in the knowledge that there’s not a single thing, either living or dead, that we don’t have covered.”

Sheeran, who earned 25 million pounds after tax while Adele was speaking, said: “We’re both looking forward to waking up in a few days time with the whole world quite literally in our hands.

“A lot of people dream of owning their own home with a small garden, but Adele and I have much bigger fish to fry.

“In fact, talking of fish, we’ll own all of them too; including those really crazy-looking ones with big pop-out eyes that live right at the bottom of the ocean where it’s totally dark”

It is understood that the pair have already put in a preliminary bid for Great Britain and Northern Ireland, believed to be in the region of £20,000, which was quickly turned down by Prime Minister, Theresa May, who reportedly told Adele that she wouldn’t even sell her the steam off her piss for that.






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